Some Things are Better Out than In

By 24th September 2016 Uncategorised

It’s easy to think that the way we are is just ‘the way we are’. Some people gush and others hold back. The Bible is clear than we need to show emotional self-control. However, if our habits are bad for our health then we should probably take a closer look to see if there is a cause or even a cure.

Tamar was King David’s daughter. She was a tender young woman with a bright future. All too often, horrible things happen to good people. I think that’s because the devil hates them even more than most. Well, something terrible happened to this girl…

Tamar’s half brother Amnon had an all-consuming crush on her and took the advice of his crooked cousin. Amnon tricked Tamar into his bedroom and then forced himself on his sister. No amount of pleading would deter him. He raped her.

Probably disgusted at himself and now at her, Amnon kicked his sister out. Tamar felt defiled, ashamed, rejected and heart-broken. She turned to Absalom, the only brother she trusted, for help. When she arrived she was weeping bitterly.


God gave us a powerful pain release mechanism called crying. When we weep, we offload sorrow and sadness. Lamentations 2:19b says, “Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord.” This speaks of a mix of tears and words. When we say how we feel, it helps unlock the pain which is released with tears.

Tamar was doing the only thing that she could do at that time. And weeping was the right thing to do. If she had only continued, and followed in her father David’s footsteps, telling the Lord about every agony and about the pain within, I believe God would have healed her heart.

However, Absalom didn’t know how to help her. Instead of sitting down with her, listening to her sadness and speaking kindly to her, he told Tamar to hold her peace. He said: “Do not take this thing to heart.” The very next phrase is so sad. 2 Samuel 13:20b says: “So Tamar remained desolate.”

Shut down

Tamar shut down on the inside, she shut the world out and she shut her mouth. Then she remained desolate for the rest of her life. When sorrow comes out, we can be healed. When pain gets buried, it can cause our souls to stagnate.

All too often society tells us to hide our emotions. Culture teaches us that silence is strength and that emotional detachment from our distress is a sign of maturity. It can be difficult to talk about our pain to God but the rewards are relief and freedom.

Better out than in

When we express our distresses and disappointments to God, we give Him access to our hearts and our hurts. He can then reach into the depths of our souls, release His healing love and take any pain away.

Tamar’s story shows the dangers of shutting down. It could be abuse or it could be a put down at work. It does not matter how big or seemingly small the issue. God wants us to be free from all inner angst.

Ecclesiastes 11:10 says: “Remove sorrow from your heart.” The only way I know is by sharing our distresses and our disappointments with God in prayer. You’ll be amazed at how close you will feel to your Heavenly Father as you pour out your heart before Him. So you’ll not only get healed but you will also get closer to God at the same time.

I encourage you to get hold of our books and come along to Healed for Life. It will take you on an incredible journey to security and peace. You will leave refreshed, restored and more ready than ever to fulfil your God-given destiny.


  • christine says:

    Oh God for so long I’ve done it the wrong way either shutting it down, using something to cheer me up through this pain over the last 10 years and then it surfaces in anger to others or self hatred through death of my mother with cancer then my cancer looking after my father with alzimerehers a child hood and family dysfunction abuse and god I hope you wont be angry I know its hard for others to listen but as a christian I’ve done the same thing to others as I’ve had done to me I am truly sorry I have done the same giving a quick glebe answer praise the lord and count your blessings the wound is covered again and YET now I’m learning to not do that to others I cant fix their pain but I can hold them hug them tell them I understand my father has just died and I’m so full of anger the love I neve had for him but I than god I was able to be with him in the end and trying to hang on to the moments when told hm I loved him and he replied he did too why did it have to take such brokenness and sickness and pain to get to that place i ask god and if its teaching me anything it tine for us as a,church to let people in confidence be real say nothing but let them release my answer to myself for not ding that is because their pain was too uncomfortable for me
    Lord have mercy on us I know its good to take it to the lord but we need people that will sit and let it out we confess our sins but forget to confess our pain we were masks because we think we have to be perfect have I have we forgotten that Christ cried to the father when he didn’t want to be separated from his father nit my will but yours be done as he sweat blood we are so ,afraid of not matching up to our own expectations and others and even gods when he already knows our pain help us lord to not be afraid of others pain lord help us lord to be open and honest especially with the world that we didn’t have to hide like Adam and eve did because NOW we have a savouir who we don’t have to pretend with who loves us as we are the world thinks they have to be super spiritual and cleaned up like we are joke to be accepted help us lord to be more open and direct others to a savouir who accepts us as we are thank you Jesus when people see how human we are then maybe they will want what we have lord have mercy

  • Kian Barmala says:

    This text touches my heart and thank you for all the things you share with your readers!!! You really bless us so much!

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