It’s easy to think that the way we are is just ‘the way we are’. Some people gush and others hold back. The Bible is clear than we need to show emotional self control. However, if our habits are bad for our health then we should probably take a closer look to see if there is a cause or even a cure.
Tamar was King David’s daughter. She was a tender young woman with a bright future. All too often, horrible things happen to good people. I think that’s because the devil hates them even more than most. Well, something terrible happened to this girl…
Tamar’s half brother Amnon had an all-consuming crush on her and took the advice of his crooked cousin. Amnon tricked Tamar into his bedroom and then forced himself on his sister. No amount of pleading would deter him.
Probably disgusted at himself and now at her, Amnon threw his sister out. She felt defiled, ashamed, rejected and heart-broken. Tamar turned to another brother Absalom for help. When she arrived at his house she was weeping bitterly.
God gave us a powerful pain release mechanism called crying. When we weep, we offload sorrow and sadness. Lamentations 2:19b says, “Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord.” This speaks of a mix of tears and words. When we say how we feel, it helps unlock the pain which is released with tears.
Tamar was doing the only thing that she could do at that time. And weeping was the right thing to do. If she had only continued, and told the Lord about every agony within, I believe God would have healed her heart.
However, Absalom didn’t know how to help her. Instead of sitting down with her, listening to her pain and speaking kindly to her, he told Tamar to hold her peace. He said: “Do not take this thing to heart.” The very next phrase is so sad. 2 Samuel 13:20b says: “So Tamar remained desolate.”
Tamar shut down on the inside, she she shut the world out and she shut her mouth. Then she remained desolate for the rest of her life. When sorrow comes out, we can be healed. When pain gets buried, it can cause our souls to stagnate.
All too often society tells us to hide our emotions. Culture teaches us that silence is strength and that detachment from our distress is a sign of maturity. It can be difficult to talk about our pain to God but the rewards are relief and freedom.
Better out than in
When we express our distresses and disappointments to God, we give Him access to our hearts and our hurts. He can then reach into the depths of our souls, release His healing love and take any pain away.
Tamar’s story shows the dangers of shutting down. It could be abuse as a child or it could be a put down at work. In truth, there are probably many pains you are carrying. It does not matter how big or small the issue. God wants us to be healed.
If you want to be free to fulfil your God-given destiny, come to Healed for Life, and keep on coming. It will take you on an incredible journey to security and peace. You will leave refreshed, restored and more ready than ever to fulfil your God-given destiny.
Also, my new book My Whole Heart covers the whole area of internalization. It will help you on your journey to fulfilment.