Five years after my husband and I got married, we were pastoring a small but growing church in London. We were serving the Lord with all of our hearts and had given our lives to the ministry.
We had one child: a bright, healthy little girl with a magnetic personality and a beautiful smile. Naomi means ‘our delight’ and that’s exactly what she was. So when she was tragically torn from us, our lives were shattered. One day she was running around a local shopping centre with my husband and the next day she was fighting a losing battle for her life.
After I recovered from the shock, the question on my lips and ringing in my mind was, “why?” Why had God, the Creator of heaven and earth, and our faithful Healer, allowed our little girl to die?
IT WAS NOT GOD
Never for one moment did I think that it was God’s will for her to pass prematurely. He is not the author of sin or sickness. His plans for us are always for good and not for evil, to give us a hope and a bright future (Jeremiah 29:11). And I knew that my Lord is a miracle-working God who can heal every disease.
This question perturbed me and I found myself coming back to the same concerns again and again. I thought that if I could just find out why she died, then I would be able to start a journey of recovery.
WHAT’S YOUR WHY?
I don’t know what you have gone through, but perhaps your suffering has led you to ask questions. “Why would a loving God allow this to happen? What did I do wrong? Why me? Why us? Why him?”
The untimely death of loved ones often causes people to ask why. Abuse can lead its victims to wonder what they did wrong. Divorce, separation, back-stabbing and betrayal make many desperate to find out why their parents, partners or peers turned their backs.
GETTING AN ANSWER
I learned that the word why – along with other questioning terms like who, what, when and where – is rooted in the Hebrew word for chaos. I realised that while I was seeking an answer, it would only lead to confusion.
Then God showed me that even if He were to tell me why, the explanation would never be sufficient. There was no reason back then that He could have given that would have been a good enough reason for me to lose my little girl.
THE TURNING POINT
I made a monumental decision. I decided to lay down the question of why. I chose to give up my right to an explanation, I prayed: “I don’t know why Naomi had to die, but I don’t need to know anymore. I surrender my right to an answer and instead, Lord, I ask You to heal my heart.”
If you had asked me before Naomi died if I could recover if I lost her, I would have told you, “No, never. She is too precious.” Yet, after I gave up on why, when I laid down my right to answers, God started to heal me and He did it completely.
If you have struggled with asking why, remember that while you hold onto that question, it will probably keep you confused and tormented. There is a time to ask why, but timing is everything.
I encourage you to go to God in prayer and let why go. But don’t stop there. God wants to take you on a journey to wholeness and peace. Come along to the next Healed for Life event near you. We are in Fort Myers FL on 2 March, Bradenton FL on 15-16 March, Washington VA on 23 March, Herts UK 11-12 April and North East MD on 10-11 May. See here for details. We all need healing. We just don’t always realise it. #JoinTheJourney