With my hand on my heart and my eyes tightly shut, I prayed a prayer that would one day become a lifestyle: “Lord, search my heart and reveal anything that is hindering your love from flowing through me.”
Soon, I saw a big yellow bloom and God said, “You’re my sunflower.” I was a little surprised. To me, sunflowers were brash and gaudy. My favourite flower was a fresia – subtle, dainty and sweet-scented.
“I don’t like that”, I thought. I didn’t want to be a sunflower, I wanted to be a fresia. I wanted to blend in and not stand out. For example, I often felt that I said too much around friends or family.
I would sometimes set out to a party or church gathering determined to be quiet. However, within a matter of minutes, I would be one of the loudest ladies in the room.
Then I’d beat myself up on the way home, replaying the things I’d said and done that I wished I hadn’t said or done. I would worry that I’d been misunderstood. I would regret the bad impression that I assumed I’d made.
Even as a child, I was always called a chatterbox and during my teenage years, I was known as a big-mouth. But I would have loved to be calm & quiet.
As I sat in God’s presence, a myriad of memories flashed through my mind. That one image had gone to the core of my view of myself. Eventually, I responded to the Lord, “But I don’t want to be a sunflower. I want to be a fresia, a wallflower or a poppy!”
As I shared my deep sense of dislike for the way I was, the love of God filled my heart. He showed me how much He loves me way just the way He made me.
I would never be a wallflower because He made me like a sunflower. Not subtle, sweet or mild but big, bright and bold. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I accepted the way I was and stopped striving to be someone else.
In Psalm 139:13-14, King David said: “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”
David had come to appreciate the person that God made him to be. In the depths of his heart, he understood his value. God wants you to grasp and acknowledge your worth too.
You were God’s idea. Before the foundation of the world, you were in His heart. He chose you and He designed you. He made your heart and your inner workings. He made you and He did a marvellous job.
Remember, I started this blog by sharing the prayer that I prayed that led to this precious encounter with God. When we don’t like the way we are, it is an obstacle to us becoming our best. When I accepted myself the way I was, God began a wonderful work in me. Now I love sunflowers.
If you would like the Holy Spirit to shine His light into your heart and remove any obstacles so that you can be free to fulfil your purpose, I encourage you to get hold of our books. And come along to Healed for Life, you will be amazed at what God will do!